All That I've Got
by Gaydiddyklainer
Summary: 'Nick couldn't even think, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't move, he couldn't speak. All he could do was cling onto the body in his lap' WARNINGS: -Mentions of self harm and suicide-


_Nick:_

Nick knew that there was something up with Jeff, he hadn't turned up to Warbler practice for the past few days, he was constantly missing meals and hadn't spoken to anyone for a while. He wouldn't even let Nick kiss him or sleep with him. He was practically sleepwalking.

"Duval, where is Sterling?" Wes called from the other side of the Council's table. "He's missed three rehearsals this week and I have all rights to take that solo away from him!"

Nick shrugged in reply, he hadn't seen Jeff all day and was as concerned as everyone in the room.

"Wes, could I please leave early so that I can try to find Jeff? I haven't seen him all day" Nick asked, his voice deep with concern. Wes looked at the two other senior classmen next to him, debating on their decision. Without waiting for a reply, Nick swiftly left the room, he had checked the Library and the West Wing already. And then everything fell into place. Nick stopped in the middle of the corridor and headed straight for his room, picking up his pace into a sprint as he realised, he knew where Jeff was, and he had to get there. Fast.

* * *

_Jeff:_

Jeff stared at the small bag in his hands, taking a glance around the bedroom for one final time. He pulled out a bunch of letters, one for each of his friends, the longest being addressed to Nick. He threw his school bag onto his bed, stopping to lightly trace his fingers over the picture frame sitting on his bedside table. It was taken on their first date, the day that Jeff could honestly say that he had fallen for Nick, saying goodbye to him was the hardest part of his plan, but he had prolonged his decision for too long.

Jeff stripped down to only his underwear_ (they were Nick's favourite pair)_ and hung his Dalton uniform in his closet, only to pull out a new, smart outfit. His last outfit. Once he had dressed and looked decent, Jeff wandered into the bathroom, taking the small bag on his bed with him. He locked the door behind him, ensuring that no-one could walk in on him. Jeff walked over to the mirror, to find an empty shell of his former self staring back at him.

Jeff pulled out a bottle from the small bag, crying as he turned the lid around to find the tablets he so desperately needed. He poured a few into his hands, and then too many more. He wandered over to the corner of the bathroom, sat down on the floor and cried into his chest. He had to, there was no other option left for him, it was always darkest before the storm.

Grabbing the cleaning bleach next to him, Jeff took a few tablets from the sweaty palm of his hand and put them in his mouth, they were only strong enough to knock him out for a few hours if he only took the prescribed amount, but that wouldn't do. He chucked the rest of them in too, tears rolling down his soft, pale cheeks. Jeff had read somewhere that overdosing didn't always work, the thought of having to face his friends after made him feel physically sick, so Jeff clasped the bottle of bleach next to him and took a few sips, washing the tablets down.

He could already feel his insides burning from the bleach, he felt drowsy already, clearly the sleeping tablets were kicking in. All of a sudden, an intense pain roared through his lungs, Jeff could feel his breaths becoming quicker and shorter, his brain was starting to slow down. And somehow, he felt more at ease than he had done in a long time. Rolling onto his side, Jeff took his last dying breath and as his senses blurred into nothing, he swore that he could hear someone running and screaming out his name.

* * *

_Nick:_

He had to get there in time. Jeff had been distant, unresponsive and Nick had sworn that he had heard the younger boy crying at night when he was supposed to be asleep. The last thing that Jeff had said to Nick was that he was going home to pick up some medication. But Jeff never needed medication.

Nick picked up speed quickly, sprinting across campus, the rest of the warblers slightly behind him, trying to catch up with him. He ran up to the entrance to the Windsor Dorms where all of the Warblers stayed, he leapt up the stairs, tripping over a few in his hurry. Sebastian and David were only moments behind Nick, running faster as they cried out to him to ask what had happened.

As Nick approached his shared dorm, his mind flickered between hundreds of memories of him and Jeff. (When Blaine had introduced them to each other. When they found out they were rooming together at Dalton. When he had held Jeff's hand for the first time. When they had kissed for the first time under the starlit sky on New Year's Day. The moment when he had told Jeff that he had loved him, and Jeff said the same thing back.

He was fiercely shaken out of his dreamlike daze when all Nick could hear was the kicking down of a door next to him. Sebastian had no patience to pry the dorm keys from Nick's weak grasp, they had to find Jeff as soon as possible.

"Jeff? Dude are you in here?" Sebastian cried out, a twang of worry in his voice. Some Warblers spread through the rest of the building, seeing if the blonde was anywhere else, the rest of them filtered into the small room slowly. Nick composed himself and walked into the room, he was the first to notice the hoard of letters, each addressed to a different person. He walked over to the letter signed as _'My dearest Nick'_, his thumb rubbed against the smooth edges of the envelope, wanting to rip it open, his eyes glazed over once more, almost slipping back into his memory-filled trance, until he heard a panicked yell from across the room,

'Guys! Shit there's bleach leaking from the bathroom floor and the door is locked! HELP!" Trent proceeded to bang against the bathroom door

Nick dropped the letter, the world around him was slowing down, he ran over to the door and with all his built up strength, he kicked the door down. Only to reveal what he had been dreading. There he was, a lifeless, porcelain doll, surrounded by blood, bleach and an empty medicine bottle.

"JEFF!" Nick ran over and dropped to his knees, howling and sobbing in anguish, he held the skeletal boy in his arms, checking for any sign of life. The rest of the boys were crowding around the bathroom door, Sebastian slid down the bedroom wall, sobbing uncontrollably into his knees, he let his pain take him over. Blaine, Wes and Scott had all ran off to find help, holding back tears in their eyes as they ran as fast as they could, as if they could actually find someone to bring Jeff back. The rest of the boys were huddled on the bed, crying into each others shoulders and clinging on to each other for comfort and their eyes flicked through the clutter of letters beside them. They knew that Nick needed the most comfort right now, but they left him alone with the remains of his boyfriend.

Nick couldn't even think, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't move, he couldn't speak. All he could do was cling onto the body in his lap, he was cradling Jeff's torso in his lap, stroking at his soft, blonde hair, staring at the boy's lifeless eyes. Jeff had the most beautiful eyes, Nick had sworn that he had seen them sparkle at some time or another.

The room reeked of bleach, but Nick didn't seem to mind, he didn't seem to even notice, all he could see was his boyfriend, still and so fragile, Nick didn't want to move him, Incase he would smash into a million pieces in front of his eyes. Jeff was much thinner than Nick could ever remember, his ribs painfully jutting out of his chest and his jawline and cheekbones more prominent than last time. This isn't the boy that Nick had known and loved, he was a corpse. Jeff was drenched in bleach, so, very carefully, Nick rolled the sleeves of the younger boy's shirt up to prevent them from getting anymore wet, protecting Jeff. Nick glanced down at the boy's arms, they were absolutely torn apart and littered with angry, red lines, there was barely any skin left. This discovery sent Nick into an even deeper downwards spiral,_ (how could he have not noticed what Jeff had been doing?)_

The next few minutes were a blur, Sebastian had surfaced into the bathroom, but the sight of the couple made new emotions run through him. Nick was grasping so tightly onto Jeff that he was leaving marks, he was rocking with the lifeless boy, whispering in his ear, and telling him that he'd be alright. Help came a few minutes after, the police were called and the body was taken from Nick's arms. He was questioned over the death of his boyfriend, but he was too distant to give straight answers. He wasn't able to shake the feeling that it was his fault. And he never did shake that feeling off.

* * *

It had been seven months since Jeff's funeral. All of the Warblers had attended and they all left a single flower beside his grave every so often to show their love for him, but they had decided that it was better not to dwell in the past and that they wanted to remember the Jeff that they always knew, the happy, cheerful and rather flamboyant boy, who was head over heels for his older best friend, Nick Duval.

Jeff's parents had moved out of Westerville, they couldn't bare to live there anymore since the suicide, it ran through their minds every-time they had seen a Dalton Blazer. Nick approached Jeff's death differently, every day, Nick had gone down to Jeff's grave and had left a rose every day, he would sit on the floor next to the gravestone and chat about his day to his boyfriend, spilling all of the new gossip and having a bit of a giggle here and there. He had to have a positive outlook, if not he would have ended up buried next to Jeff only months later. Nick would be fine pretending that he was alright.

**_ It had seemed to had worked so far, right?_**


End file.
